I am living with a constant guilt trip. Because I’m a cheater. Yes, I am. I know, I know. Don’t judge me. I think we all cheat in one way or another, here or there. Some experience more involved cheating than others, but lately I’ve been cheating…
Cheating on my daughter…
At least that’s what it feels like…
She’s in school.
Every Friday, I have to keep my mouth shut until she gets on the bus.
She cannot find out the plans for the day.
Shhhh! Don’t say a word!
On Fridays (my day off), outside of the cleaning up around the house and the catching up on blogging, I try to get my other little one out of the house. I make plans to visit museums, eat way fancy cake for a two year old, head to the zoo, play with friends, and run around all the playgrounds… Sometimes we even drive to other cities for the day!
Usually we are in the car not too long after my daughter hops on the bus…
And we are off for our Friday adventures while her sister is at school…
But if she finds out, we are in trouble.
That’s because in her mind, I’m cheating on her.
It’s not fair that she’s not involved too.
And the guilt sets in…
And while I know that she shouldn’t be upset because she did all of these things and more with me before her sister was born, I still feel bad.
How do you explain to your oldest daughter that she, unlike any of your other children, will always have that time that she was an only child?
How do you explain to her that you used to do all of these things with and for her too?
How do you explain that you aren’t cheating on her?
It’s like I have to remind her of all the things we did together. Just the two of us.
Holding too many puppies at the farm.
Broccoli Cheese Soup Panera dates.
The Children’s Museum.
Cool birthday parties.
Visiting other cities (Memphis, St Louis, New York, Ohio)
Twirling at the old warehouse (something her sister will NEVER get to do).
DISNEY WORLD by yourself!
We did all these things.
Just you and me.
But now you are getting older. And we can’t do all the things we were able to do before. And it totally sucks.
Believe me, I hate it as much as you do because not only does it mean you are growing up, it means that my time with you is getting less and less.
And I want to be with you (and your sister) all the time.
Life is all about perception and there’s no way around this until she’s old enough to understand that we aren’t doing these things because we don’t want her to come, but that we are doing these things to fill our day, learn, play, and that she once did them all too! Even if she can’t remember right now, I do. And that’s what keeps the guilt at a lower more manageable level. And as long as that guilt is manageable, I’ll keep cheating on her for now…